Being fair to TMNT

The trailer finally hits the web and Michael Bay has, once again, set out to start off really strong- then shit all over your childhood. I wasn’t exactly a big fan of the Transformers movies after the 1st installment, and I wasn’t really into the 1st movie like that anyways. I was raised in the 90s, so I barely got a taste of Transformers, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- I fucking lived for Saturday mornings to watch four gigantic mutated turtles “raise shell”. So seeing this trailer was both exciting, and at the same time everything that I knew Michael Bay had set out to do; so I’m not really surprised about how the movie is gonna turn out to be based on the trailer.

FIRST. I’m gonna point out all the things that hurt me a little inside. These fucking turtles make so much noise! I thought they were fucking Ninjas?! Granted, in the movies before this, the only time they showed any REAL Ninja abilities was in the CG movie that released in 07. BUT FUCK. These turtles make the most noise EVER. However, to be fair, trailers were meant to grab your attention so I can kinda understand why the loud noises were implemented. The biggest thing that bothered me was the fact that they looked like giant, green, muscular, mutated babies. Michael Bay really turned this one on its head.

“Oh hey let’s make the Transformers look really fucking cool and modern, but let’s make the Turtles look like the most undesirable creatures in the world..Let’s shit on the hearts and minds of all the generations who have watched TMNT and turn it into something that only I can be proud of- duh.”

Is how I imagined Michael Bay saying something about the ugliness of the turtles. BUT ONCE AGAIN JUST TO BE FAIR. I’m pretty sure if we saw the Turtles in real life, they wouldn’t exactly look like cute little Squirtles. I understand the reason to make them look hideous (kinda), because they want people (mostly younger kids who have been robbed of TMNT) to freak the fuck out and realize, “WHOA these turtles are fucking amazing! Sure, they look like shit- but they are so AWESOME.” Besides, guys, face it- Not everyone is a complete TMNT nerd. Not only should the movie appease the people who absolutely love TMNT, but it should also make the casual movie-goer happy they went to see the movie.

My honest opinion, I kind of expected TMNT to end up like this. Once I heard Michael Bay, I immediately threw all my hopes, dreams, and expectation to the wind. I’m happy I did it really early, because I’m actually not upset. I’m going to see the movie, because I’m not expecting to be completely amazed by this film.

OH Megan Fox. Yeah, she’s in the movie too.