ReIntroduction/30 Day Challenge

I am Ashez. It is not my real name, but it has been a name that I’ve been called for nearly eleven years now. Saying that, it feels like a very very long time. A long time ago, in the suburbs of North Las Vegas, NV, I was a writer with big dreams. I “graduated” from High School and went to college like my Pa wanted me to. I liked writing a lot, and I chose to major in Journalism. Two years later, and what a shitty decision that was- so I decided to do something else. I still wrote. I would say I was a Boba Fett kind of writer. Just writing about whatever for whoever, and eventually I just stopped. Three years later I’m bored out of my mind in a different country, and somehow my infatuation for writing suddenly appeared- like a wild Pokémon. However, instead of writing things I was obligated to write about, or writing things that were assignments I kind of half-assed in two hours; I can finally write about stuff- how I wanna write it.

When I started this blog with no clear purpose, but as time spent in boredom went on; it hit me. I always criticized, theorized, and hated on things that were happening in movies, music, comics, and video games! So fuck me, right? I started a blog, so that I can say anything I wanted to about all those four things! It doesn’t matter if it’s old, new, terrible, good, Street Fighter The Movie, Transformers, Howard The Duck, etc. I can talk about it now. I want to write about these things, because I feel a sense of freedom finally being able to say whatever I want.

My 2014 goals for this blog, is to make people laugh. I might be kind of serious when I slam the mighty hammer of truth and justice, but it’s all in good fun. I want to help readers decide whether or not something is worth reading, watching, listening to, and/or playing. I want to make this site look nice on the eyes, but I haven’t really fucked with HTML since Xanga- so doing it myself is out of the question. Most of all, I just want to write. I haven’t written about something that wasn’t pertaining to work in a long time, and it’s nice to do that.

If you already follow my blog, Thanks. I really hope to hear from most of you, and hope you find my blogs interesting. If you don’t follow my blog, that’s cool and all..but why don’t you follow me? I say pretty nifty things from time to time. 

Happy New Years/I’m buying LoZ: A Link between Times!

If I had a picture of what my New Years was like, it would be pretty depressing. Instead, I’m wishing you all a Happy New Year! In 120 days I will be back on US soil catching up with old games, new games, new movies, old movies, new comics, old comics, and spending precious time with family. If my new year’s resolution could be anything, it would be to spend more time having fun with my family. I definitely have overlooked going on adventures with my family, so I will spend half of 2014 concentrating on creating memories. 

In other news, I have been looking for a new game to play on my newly purchased 3DS that my lovely wife sent to me. After playing Pokémon nonstop after work, I have decided it is time to experience my 3DS for more than just Pokémon. After lazily browsing the internet, and skimming through YouTube; I have found my calling. The game I have decided to buy is Legend of Zelda: A Link between Worlds. The way I have always operated since becoming a gamer, is to never read a review if the game has already been played and I don’t own it. Of course I can’t avoid reading stuff I see in commercials, but if its been out for awhile and I don’t own it- I don’t read the reviews. This makes the new LoZ a treat for yours truly. I haven’t owned a 3DS since it first came out, so being a recent 3DS owner helped me to realize that I truly missed out on some good games (except Pokémon).

So judging by the trailer, the new LoZ game is based on the world that a Link to the Past was based on. They brought back the old style Link that doesn’t sport the tights and chainmail armor. I’m liking the look, mostly because it reminds me of a happier time in my 16bit childhood. I give Nintendo major kudos for revitalizing the look of Link over the years, but also for honoring the old look of Link. The wall thing that Link does tripped me the fuck out, especially the part where he knocks over a bridge to cross a gap. I can see graffiti artists, or street artists, hitting up “wall Link” on walls…get it? Cuz wall Link…walls…ok. The protagonist looks like someone I really want to kill, so thanks Nintendo. I really got the feeling to smash the face of the bad guy into a moving train by just looking at her..him..it. I’m honestly pretty stoked to have this game sent to me ASAP. I am a little bummed out that I missed out on this game, and didn’t get a chance to get my hands on it earlier. Fuck it, I’m still gonna do a review for the game, because I feel like it’s gonna be so good; it’s gonna need a late review.

Like I said before, Happy New Years to the lot of you, and I really hope you do something with your lives to improve it this year. If you like this blog follow me. If you don’t have a WordPress, you can follow me on twitter @ashezketchum. I’m still pretty much planning what days I will be blogging on which topic, but I’m pretty sure I’ll figure it out when I get back to the states.

I would also like to know what your favorite/least favorite LoZ game. My favorite one was Twilight Princess. Why? Because you transformed into a wolf. What I liked to do when I play TP was listen to “Thriller” and eat my enemies like fucking snausages. Comment below, and let me know what YOUR favorite, or least favorite, LoZ game was.

 

Lion King..Scar’s Revolution.

SUHWEET! Closing 2013 and the start of this blog with 7 views! Pretty fucking sad, but that is a win in my book.

Anyways, over the course of this deployment a lot of stupid conversations have popped up. Things like Transformers being a success thanks to Megan Fox, Pokémon and PETA, Zack Gali-Galphin-Galifink-Galileo being a shitty comedian, and The Green Hornet being a better film if written by Kevin Smith (like it was intended to). One topic stood above them all, Lion King.

Lion King was a benchmark in my childhood, and also a benchmark in some other people’s Furry Fetish. It was also one of the first times that I was introduced to the topic of death. I thought it was so awesome, I begged my mom and dad to get the soundtrack on cassette. The fact that it was about royalty, the king of the animal kingdom, and an amaze-balls soundtrack beyond my, then 5 year old comprehension, blinded me to other pressing issues in this movie. The darker side to this movie, besides the death of Mufasa, is the fact that the “villain” of the movie, Scar, is labeled a true Disney villain.

Let’s take a moment to trace back, without resources, strictly off of what was said to explain why Scar wasn’t actually a villain. To do that we must look at Mufasa, and how he theoretically ran his kingdom. Mufasa is the king of the pride lands, a ruler over his subjects, and like every king that runs a kingdom; he needs a means of currency to keep his kingdom running. Now there is no evidence in Lion King that shows that they use sea shells, or a credit card to pay for taxes and animal shit that animals need. Why is that? Because the way that Mufasa receives payment is through blood. A human example of this, You’re living in the medieval times. You are living on the king’s land, working your ass off, trying not to catch the black plague, worshipping the lawd, killing witches, and what not. You’re living on this land because you have to pay the king’s tax. That’s a basic way to look at it. Now, on the animal side of the house, Mufasa is a king who lets all these animals eat, sleep, and raise families on his land. They don’t use currency, but Mufasa does have “The Circle of Life”. The way that the Circle of Life works is that the antelopes eat the grass, the lions eat the antelopes, and the lion shits the antelopes back on the ground to create more grass for the antelopes. This is the only possible way that the Kingdom is sustained, and this is the only tax system that works in Mufasa’s monarchy. These animals get to live and sing, because Mufasa only allows it. How Mufasa picks what animal gets to die is the same way the same way an animal gets to survive. If you are simply not strong enough, or fast enough, you’re going to have to take a loss for your species. With that being said we can now look at Scar.

There wasn’t a really strong story for Scar, as I remember, my mind simply just placed him as the villain of Lion King. All we know about him is that he was banished to the Shadow Lands, and lived among the hyenas. He is a jealous brother. Mufasa rules over the land, but Scar gets this shitty place to rule the hyenas. The hyenas have nothing to eat, and are forced to steal kills. Scar and the hyenas literally live in poverty compared to most animals and Mufasa’s pride, so what does Scar do? The same thing any fucking rebel would do; to start a motherfucking revolution. How Scar takes out Mufasa is pretty fucked up. His tactics are pretty sneaky, but it worked. He killed Mufasa, and he brought the hyenas with him. Before you say, “OHHH BUT SCAR DID IT BY HIMSELF.” The hyenas started that fucking stampede!! For all we know, the hyenas chased the herd into the canyon so Scar could execute the plan. In revolutions, in uprisings, this is pretty much how things work. It usually is one man’s idea, brought to the people, these people agree, and they start a movement. This movement becomes and army, and the army starts a revolution. Scar helped the hyenas for his selfish gain, but he helped them either way. Scar was a successful revolutionary, but that didn’t make him a successful ruler. He “over-taxed” the land, drove the land’s residence to move away, and even mistreated his subjects. Simba capitalized on this, and ended Scar’s shitty, shitty, shiiiiiitty reign of the Pride lands. This doesn’t make Scar a bad guy, because there have been revolutionaries who fought for “freedom”, and it ended up being a bad thing. I’m not big on politics, so I won’t get into that.

The point is, Scar, was in a fucked up situation, created an army who believed in him, and did something for the interest of himself, but also (for a short time) benefited the people he lead. Scar wasn’t a bad guy, but a guy with good intentions who went about it the wrong way.

With that being said, why did I have a debate about Lion King? Because there is nothing to do, but at the same time; that conversation helped me remember my love for movies. To some people movies are exactly what they are supposed to be- movies. Then you have people who need to rethink things, see it in a different light, make shit up, and laugh about how crazy things are. Next time you view a movie, think about it a little bit. Notice the bullshit. Notice that one guy in the goon squad looks like he’d rather go home and have dinner with his ma and pa. It makes movies a little more interesting.

Thanks for reading, if you like my blog, or simply want to see this blog fail, follow me. If not, my twitter handle is @ashezketchum, and follow me there! I’m pretty quick to let people know I posted something.. because I clearly- have nothing else to do except hang around on the internetz. 

D&D Story and Review

As said before, I played D&D with the people in my unit. I was almost late, but the Dungeon Master was running pretty late today too. I’m not gonna lie, I was still pretty stoked to try something new. A total of seven people showed up for this event, there was pizza, and we were all laughing about the possibility of me kicking in a door- using it as a surfboard and killing all the enemies. That laughter soon died down. This game suddenly became real, and the dice gawdz were not there to save me.

We spent an hour and a half helping everyone get their character sheets together, so no one was over-powered. It wasn’t bad, we bonded as a group. Like I said, that soon pretty much ended. My character was a fighter class (Warrior) true neutral. I made it so that I could do whatever I wanted, and not held back by stupid alignments. Our journey started. I was in the southern region headed north, when a hobbit ran into me. We travelled together since we were going the same way, when suddenly, we were met by some warthogs. We got fucked up. It was so bad. Three boars, and we were pretty much down for the count. DM gave us a chance, and made it so that these boars were no longer interested.

Me and my hobbit homeboy make it into town, battered and bruised, screaming for help. We make it to Jolly old St. Nick’s home. We meet up with two other characters, and have our HP restored. Santa has a task for us. He has the ability to heal us with his magic cookies and milk, but he wants us to find his elves, who have been abducted, leaving one elf; Herby. Now in my mind, I already knew which elf that was. I already pieced together that Herby was that dentist elf. Before we left to see Herby, we get presents from Santa. Everyone rolled for a chance at a gift from Santa and receive their gifts- all except me- I didn’t receive shit, because I couldn’t roll higher than a 14. I was fucked from the beginning.

We go to Herby’s house and knock on the door. Herby invites us in, but he wants to work on our teeth. I ask Herby for proof that he is a certified dental hygienist, and I’m kicked out of his fucking house. So the other character hops in the chair, and he checks her teeth. All is good. We ask for information on the elves, and Herby says he’ll tell us if he gets to work on all our teeth. I get fucked again. I have to get a teeth removed before I can venture any further. I do it, and Herby asks to come with us to fin the elves. My hobbit homeboy says yes. I say no. I do not like Herby.

We venture with Herby anyways, because he knows where these elves went. He takes us to a cave, and we enter. We search these fucking caves, and all hell breaks loose when we run into hobgoblins. These Hobgoblins fucked us up. We had no good rolls, and the DM kept getting good rolls. We eventually kill these hobgoblins, and we call it quits for the day. I was fucking mad as shit.

THE REVIEW:

D&D is a fun game- in theory. They give you the stuff do play, and the DM creates the story for you to play. The Christmas Story is a good story so far. It was like Kingdom Hearts with Christmas characters. I wouldn’t be surprised if we ran into Jack Frost, Frosty, or The Yeti. However, the enemies, for how weak they should have been, were too OP. We had to roll a 15 or higher to defeat the hobgoblins, and a 12 or higher to beat the hogs. I don’t think we’ll be winning this game anytime soon, with how strong these enemies are, and how much EXP we receive (received 60 EXP for defeating the hobgoblins, and it’s 1000 to lvl up.)

The people I played with are, straight up, comedians. It was fun, and we were all generally new at the game, so the atmosphere was pretty light. When conversing in characters, it almost made for a better comedy than a serious adventure. I love dialogue, so when in character, I made fun of everyone’s character. What makes this game, IMO, is the fact that you have to be in he same room with these people to play. It was pretty social, and I laughed with people that I would not laugh with in a professional environment. So D&D gets me for that.

The major things I didn’t like were the dice and the DM. In order to have a good game of D&D is to have a good DM. You don’t want one that is too easy on you, but you don’t want one that makes it so hard that you can barely get past a common monster. I literally could not get past these hogs, unless the DM would have fucking let these hogs roll out. And the hobgoblins…the amount it took just to hit them, was boss level. Even as a beginner, I knew that these creatures were too damn OP. Another thing that kind of annoyed me, was how much XP it took to actually level up. Holy shit, 1000? And the two hobgoblins I killed only gave me 60xp? I wanted to flip the fucking table so bad. So when you play with a DM, make sure that they have set up a fair, and balanced game. The dice were another thing. I didn’t like that some things were left to chance, and the probability of some actions were too low to be achieved. For example, I didn’t receive a cool weapon like everyone else. I asked “Santa” to look into my heart for some good, so I may receive a weapon. He accepted, but the probabilities of me receiving, I had to roll higher than 17 on a 20 sided die. Again, nothing wrong with the dice, it was the DM’s choice. However, if you have no luck with dice, like me, you could get royally fucked like I did.

Overall, I like the game, but there’s too many variables. You could have a good DM who is fair, or you can have a DM who is out to fuck you. You could get some really good rolls, or you can get really shitty rolls. I do like the fact that you have to use your imagination to make shit happen, and I like how social the game is, despite the bad things said about D&D through the years. I can say this- playing the game beats watching that god-awful movie.

I would recommend people who are already within the nerd/geek/outcast culture to at least try D&D if they haven’t yet. It’s a really fun game, if you play with the right people. You could either have a really good experience, a shitty experience, or a so-so experience. Either way, it definitely is a “try at least once” thing. I won’t be done playing yet, we meet next Saturday to continue the story. I, on the other hand, will hopefully come across some rope. I’m going to tie the rope around myself, and hang myself from a cliff- ending my character’s life, so that I no longer have to live in a world where I miss a hobgoblin 15 times before I even injure him.

 

 

D&D

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YES! My boredom has reached its max capacity, and I have been invited to play Dungeons and Dragons with the “Unit Nerds”. Personally, I think this is going to be an awesome experience. The rules are long, there’s too many manuals, and games like WoW exist. Why play this? Because D&D is a social gathering of nerds, geeks, outcasts, half-nerds, half-geeks, and people stuck in between trying to be cool and loving nerdy shit.

Dungeons and Dragons, or D&D, is an RPG game before RPG games. You do shit, and try not to get killed from what I understand. A friend of mine has been trying to school me in the art of D&D, but I’m gonna do what I always do, and fucking wing it. I did make my character sheet, and I had a lot of fun with that. Totally not me. My character’s name is G. He’s 6’0″, light brown eyes, black hair, awesome beard, and a warrior class. I didn’t know how the Dungeon Master was gonna be, so I started with a long spear and pretty weak gear. I made him a true neutral, so that I may do whatever I fucking please. The funny part about all of this is at the end of the character creation, you have to make a bio for your character. I bugged my friend about this, and he said that it helps other people understand your character. Since I made my character at work, and was kind of in a rush, I ripped off Star Wars: A New Hope, and gave my character Luke Skywalker’s story. I made sure to include that my character saw his Aunt and Uncle burnt to a crisp.

That’s all I have for now. The game is tomorrow at 1030, and I will be blogging the post game results, my thoughts on D&D, and how well I did in comparison to others.

ALSO: Follow me on twitterland my handle is @ashezketchum, and if you happen to come across this blog, and find it interesting (or not) share it with someone! link them! do something!  

Nintendo..Srsly..WTF.

I’ve been hitting Nintendo pretty hard since this deployment. It’s probably the fact that we have nothing to talk about, so we talk about anything. Sure, Nintendo just released Pokémon, but no matter what they do with their main console; they always fuck up everything. No matter how hard I try to defend Nintendo, they do shit like this. Constantly putting out bullshit at big events. I know I may be behind the times right now, but you can’t blame me; I’m deployed. When I first heard about the Cranky Kong announcement at the Video Game Awards, I lost my shit. Out of all the things you could’ve announced, you announce Cranky Kong. For some of you youngsters out there who didn’t get to play Donkey Kong Country, Cranky Kong is the old ass monkey at the beginning of the game who cranks the old ass record player. He is also the monkey you constantly run into to save the game. in DKC1 and 2. I never thought about Cranky Kong as a child. I never wanted to play as him as a child. It never ever eeeeevvveeeerrr crossed my mind like, “Oh man it would be so cool to play as this old ass monkey.” But Nintendo insists that this is a great idea, and the gaming community would love to see Cranky put in work. This brings me to my next topic, could this be the warning signs that Nintendo has reached its limits as a competing console in the new generation?

Now, from what I remember growing up, I’ve always been a Nintendo kid. My mom was the one who actually turned me into a video game addict. If it weren’t for video games, I probably would be doing heroine or bath salts right now. I’d probably be spending time in the glass pipes, instead of helping Mario get down these pipes..no homo. I owned the consoles running up to the N64, and during that time when the 64 came out- it seemed like every kid has to own one. Every kid played Nintendo, until every single kid in my neighborhood decided N64 wasn’t on par with PlayStation. Nintendo and PlayStation were competing at this point. The glory days when kids were repping consoles like they were gangbangin’. The evidence of this beef was pretty real..I was playing “Hey You, Pikachu!” on N64 when it came out. I said “PlayStation” into the mic out of boredom, and Pikachu literally lost his shit. He wasn’t talking anymore, he didn’t want anything to do with me, turned his back on me, and I was like, “Fuck you too, you little bitch wa’nt no one trinna play witcho ass anyway.” That last part didn’t happen, but you do have to apologize to Pikachu before he starts fuckin’ with you again. THAT WAS SOME REAL SHIT. Nintendo was not fuckin’ around with PlayStation! I owned both consoles at the time, and never really had a biased towards either system. But no lie, A lot of shitty games were getting released on the N64. I found myself playing more and more of PS1, and less and less of N64. However, the one thing Nintendo has always had, was Pokémon. So, I always played Pokémon, but I played a lot of PS1 too.

Back then I would have never seen this as a pivotal point with Nintendo, but I definitely felt it when the PS2 and XBOX came out. Soon, I totally forgot about my N64. I disregarded the Gamecube. I didn’t miss out on some awesome games that they put out thanks to friends who owned Gamecubes, but I betrayed the shit out of Nintendo. This is when everyone was saying that Nintendo was a “child’s console”. Sooner or later people stopped holding Gamecube to the same standard as XBOX and PS2, especially after the release of XBOX360 and PS3. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe Nintendo was in talks about the Wii, yet at the release of the 360 and the PS4; Nintendo was still stuck on Gamecube. Nintendo did make a comeback, They finally released the Wii, and it was a big hit. Nintendo started targeting younger gamers, and made the Wii family oriented. Gamers who loved Nintendo asked for more. They wanted to see more LoZ, more Metroid, more Star Fox (lol), and more Super Smash Bros. Nintendo finally beckoned to the call, and released some good fucking games. Among those games, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess stood out. Holy fuck did I love that game. I dedicated my life to that game at one point, as did others, I’m sure. It even won Game of the Year. I really thought Nintendo was gonna make its comeback, but soon that light would fade.. Nintendo would go back to its shitty ways. Nintendo did have its spurts (lol) of success, Donkey Kong Country was a huge hit. After Street FIghter made side scrollers cool again, Mario was a big hit. Like I said, they had their moments. Then another big “FUCK YOU” to Nintendo was said by Microsoft and Sony; the XBOX ONE and the PS4. Nintendo’s counter punch? Wii U.

This is where the violins and sad music cue. Nintendo has been making shitty decision after shitty decision. They released the Wii U, but they were not doing these things that XBOX and PS were doing. I won’t lie, Nintendo has put out some good fucking games, but fans keep asking for the same shit that XBOX and PS have. It’s like fans want something, and Nintendo does the complete opposite thinking life is all good in the gaming universe. No. No the fuck it’s not dammit. 2013 is closing, and Nintendo keeps playing that sad tune. Wii U sales are doing poorly. They decided to release the new Mario game the same time as the XBOX ONE- praying for a miracle. Nintendo has been making some really shitty decisions lately, and they will not stop. Shit like Cranky Kong being a playable character will not save Nintendo. The only thing saving Nintendo right now, is nostalgia and childhood dreams. I really fucking feel like I am gonna live to hear the children laughing at my beloved Nintendo being forced to become a 3rd party company, because Nintendo doesn’t know how to get their shit together. I’ll be 40 y/o and some punk is gonna be taking to his friend saying, “Hey, you heard that kiddie console Ninten-low-on-dough became a 3rd party company now right?” They’ll laugh and I’ll say, “HEY! If it weren’t for NINTENDO you pussies wouldn’t have your XBOX1080 and PS7s!” Then they’ll laugh and point at me, “LAWWWLOLOLOOL STFU OLD TIMER! YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR MEDICINE NINTENDO AIN’T SHIT.” Then they’ll rob me and probably steal my car.

Look, I’m not a Nintendo hater, I love Nintendo. Nintendo has brought me so many memories as a child, and is the reason for me playing games today. That’s why I want to see them do well. I want them to keep being Nintendo, keep putting games out, keep making consoles, and keep introducing kids to timeless characters and gameplay. It is true that the games they put out (sometimes) are amazing. They are fun, but with Nintendo basically being out of the running in next gen consoles; my nightmare could be a reality. If they keep putting out bullshit info, and actually put info out that everyone can be excited about; there could still be hope for Nintendo. I’m really hoping that 2014 will be a good year for Nintendo, because shit isn’t looking too good for them.

Internet Adventure

Someone posted some shit on tumblr saying, “Doge is Dead.” which highly upset me. If you haven’t heard of or seen the doge memes, I’m not gonna post them here, because I am entirely too lazy. On that note, I’ve been on the internet  way too much out here. I basically have no life, other than the life I have back on the states. How do you reconnect with people when you’re too far to do it IRL? The internetz. The net is both a good thing and a bad thing. It’s like The Force, you have the choice to be good on the internet or you can go to the dark side (4chan, the bowels of reddit.) I have learned this way before I joined the Army. It actually started in my youth as a college student. I was basically an explorer of the internet (an internet explorer..haha) I’ve searched for things on google far and wide. When my searching days came to a halt- it was when I saw that guy get fucked in the ass by a horse, then died..yes died. At that point I realized, “Too much internet.” I have pretty much googled like a normal person since then, but I am on the internet way too much; that’s usually how weird searches start. I usually start with useful information, and some how end up watching a documentary about Thai trannies..lolwut?

Guys, the internet is a dangerous place. When you come to the netz, be armed with a sword and shield. Be prepared to fight off trolls, and defend against horrible horrible google searches. And whatever you do, don’t go any further than page 1 when you’re on reddit.